In My Time of Dying
by bringmesomepie
Summary: (Part 5 of It's All Sam's Fault Series) 5 long years have past (500 if in Hell) Dean wakes up in pine box. Things have changed in those 5 years. Cas, Sam and Gabe try to fill Dean in on the time he missed while he was downstairs. Dean, on the other hand, tries to block out his memories of Hell and the things he did.
1. Chapter 1

**5 LONG, LONG YEARS LATER…**

He gasped and opened his eyes. He couldn't see a damn thing. He lit his lighter and looked around. He was in a pine box. He had to get out. He pushed at the top of the box. Dirt fell into his face. Déjà vu.

After he broke free from the box he crawl through 6 feet of dirt. When his hand reached fresh air he felt someone grab his hand and pulled him rest of the way up. He was disoriented. He looked at the man who pulled him out of the ground.

"Cas?"

"Hello, Dean." Cas said with tears in his eyes. Dean could feel tears try to bubble up in his eyelids but he was severely dehydrated. "Let's go get you something to drink."

Dean looked around to find they were in Bobby's Salvage Yard. He stood there looking at his husband. He smiled. "Hey, baby." Dean rasped out and lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Cas.

Cas helped Dean into Bobby's house. He sat Dean down and walked over to the fridge and grabbed a water and handed it to Dean. He sucked the whole water down. Cas sat down in the chair across from him.

"What year is this?"

"2031."

" '31? I was gone for 5 years?"

"Yeah, a lot has changed since then. You wanna explain?" Cas asked.

"Cas, Riley was dying. I couldn't let her die, I just couldn't. You have to understand that."

"You wanna know how terrified you made everyone? Yes, you saved Riley but you sacrificed yourself."

Dean looked at Cas. "I'm sorry. I truly am. I still had pregnancy brain. I was stressed and freaking out, just like when Sam died. I had to let her live her life even if that means losing mine."

"It took me and Gabe 5 years to figure out a way to bring you back and away from Crowley. Your soul was torn to shreds. Alex and Lexi couldn't face another death. Aaron, Phoebe, and Shiloh had to grow up without their Dad."

Dean looked down at his hands. "What about Riley? Candice?"

"Went to college, found a guy, they are engaged. Their wedding is in a few months."

"What is she majoring in?"

"Business. She is at one of the Universities here in Sioux Falls. She helps Bobby run the Salvage yard so she can stay close to the family."

That was the moment when Bobby walked into the kitchen. "I thought I heard Cas in here, but I couldn't tell who he was with." Bobby said before looking straight at Dean. "Dean?"

"Hey, Bobby. When can I start up working here again?" Dean said as he rose to his feet. Bobby walked over to him and pulled Dean into a hug.

"Ya Idjit."

Dean smirked and pulled out of the old drunks grasp. Bobby just stared at Dean. "I know right, Cas is awesome."

That's when Bobby's fist connected with the side of Dean's face. "You know how much of a can a whop ass I should open on you?"

"Hey, enough, Bobby." Cas said standing up and getting in front of Bobby. "He saved Riley, that's what matters."

Bobby calmed down and Cas moved out of the way. "What do you remember from Hell?" Bobby asked.

"Everything."

"Care to explain?"

"No, I just want to forget what happened for those 500 years or only 5 fucking years."

"It's ok, Dean. You don't have to explain to us. Let's get you home. All the kids have left for school. It's still pretty early. Not even noon yet. How about you go take a shower and clean up and rest for a little while before they come home?"

Dean nodded and looked at Bobby. "Good seeing you again, Bobby. I probably deserved more than that swing."

"Go home, boy, before I knock you into next Wednesday."

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and they walked home. "How's Sam?"

"Still kinda depressed over to whole thing. He hasn't been the same since you left. He put a mask on when he's around Jimmy and Deanna, or our kids but me and Gabe can see right through it. He looks at Alex and he see you. He looks a whole lot like you, Dean."

"Oh right, Alex and Lexi are 18."

"Yep, Oh know how everyone say Riley looks like you?"

"Yeah?" Dean smiled.

"Lexi looks like me. She grew her hair out real long and it dark, dark brown. She has crystal blue eyes—"

"Does she do you squinty thing? Slightly cocking her head to the side."

"Now that I think about it, yes. Is that what I really do?"

Den laughed. "Yes, and I love it."

"Aaron has grown to look like me as well. Phoebe strangely enough looks similar to Sam."

Dean laughed, throwing his head back. "Yep, Winchester genes. How about my little sheep?"

"Still tiny. I'd say she is a mix of you and me. She has your eyes, my hair, your lips, my nose, your posture, and my manners."

"Wow, she's like the perfect human then."

"They are all perfect."

"I know, they are. I can't wait to see them. So what took you so long to pull me out of the pit again?"

"Crowley had you under lock and key. Gabriel and I, along with Sam researched and researched until Sam one day found the crossroad where you made the deal. He talked with the demon and got the whole scoop."

"How long did it take you to find my body?" Dean asked as they stopped on the front porch.

"You died at midnight. I found out by a nurse at 3:37 in the morning."

"Why did it take so long to find you and tell you I died?"

"No one heard the hellhounds, no one noticed you dead in the car. Around 3 Sam came by to bring Riley a change of change for the next when he spotted the Impala. He saw someone in the car. When he looked inside he saw you torn to shreds. Your eyes were still open. Sam ran for help but by then you were long gone." Cas was crying again.

"No, No, no, no more tears. I'm here. I'm living again. I'm breathing air. I'm not going to leave you again."

"You say that now but how many am I going to have to pull you out of perdition when one of our kids are dying?"

"Don't say that, Cas. I'd sacrifice myself in a second for you or Sam, my kids, and even Gabe"

"I know, I just don't want to bury you again."

"I don't want to die again."

Cas smiled as Dean wiped away Cas's tears. "Go take a shower."


	2. Chapter 2

Once Dean was out of the shower he got dressed in fresh clothes and walked downstairs. Cas was reading on the couch. "Hey."

Cas looked up. "Hey, lookin good, sexy."

Dean smiled and walked over to Cas and sat beside him and kissed his forehead. "I'm going to take my sexy ass and go over to Sammy's. I'm dying to see him…well not actually dying but I need to see him."

"Go ahead. You might get punched."

"I deserve it. Hey, does Riley still live here?"

"No, she moved into an apartment with her fiancé with Candice."

"You said she helped Bobby, so she should be at Bobby's sometime soon right?"

"Yep, tomorrow afternoon."

"I'll see you later." Dean said kissing Cas then standing up.

Dean walked out of the house and over to Sam's house. He knocked on the door and saw Sam. The second he laid eyes on Dean he froze. "Hiya, Sammy."

Sam's jaw hung up.

"Don't worry, Sammy, it's really me. Gabe and Cas brought me back."

"Dean?" Sam pulled Dean into a hug.

"Today is a hugging day."

"Dean-o!" Gabe said walking out of the kitchen.

"Hey, Gabriel."

"It's good to see you out of the pit. The things Crowley did to you."

"You saw everything that happened down there?"

"Yep, I had to keep an eye on you."

Dean looked over to Sam. "Hey, Sammy, could you get me a beer?"

"Yeah, sure." Sam walked into the kitchen.

Dean watched him leave before turning to Gabe. "Don't tell Sam. Please, don't tell him."

"What? The things are did down there. I haven't told him. I won't tell him, that's your job."

"I know, I just…I just have to find the right time."

Sam walked back out. "Here you go."

"So how the Deanna, the little baby I carried for 9 months?"

"She's great. We have told her all about you."

"You, Jimmy and Deanna should come over for supper with the family. Cas could call Riley and I can meet her fiancé and see my little granddaughter."

"Sounds perfect."

"Alright, tonight, 8 o'clock."

Dean smiled as he walked outside. He walked back inside. He looked at the clock as he walked into his house. '2:54'

Dean walked upstairs and laid down on his bed and closed his eyes. Once Dean was asleep Cas walked upstairs to find him asleep, not peacefully but asleep. His eyebrows were arched in and he was frowning in his sleep.

Dean turned over and mumbled something. He kept mumbling words. Then the yelled started. "No…No!"

Cas was startled. He jumped back. "Crowley, no." Dean yelled.

Cas slid onto the bed and put his hands on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, baby, wake up." Dean's eyes shot open and he lunched backwards until he hit the headboard. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dean. It's me, Cas."

Dean's eye shot back and forth through the room. His eyes screamed terror. Dean's breathing was heavy. He was sweating profusely. He was shaking. Dean's eye connected with Cas's. "Cas…"

"I'm right here, baby."

Dean still looked terrified. "I…I…I just need a minute."

"Ok, you want me to stay here?"

Dean shook his head. He brought his knees up to his chin. Cas slowly got up and walked back downstairs where Alex walked through the door with the triplets shortly behind. Alex saw Cas first.

"Hey, Pa." Alex said before he noticed something was wrong. "Papa, what's wrong?"

Cas looked at Alex and smiled. "Nothing is wrong."

"Then why do you look like you saw a ghost?"

"Where is Lexi?"

"She went to Dad's grave. She had a bad day and needed to cool down."

"I have to tell you something about your father."

"What?"

"Come sit down on the couch. I'll go find Lexi."

Cas walked out of the house and over to Bobby's car lot where they had buried Dean. Lexi was sitting there. She looked concerned.

"What's wrong, Lex?"

"Something's wrong with Dad's grave. It looks like someone dug a hole straight down."

"Everything is fine, with Dad's grave, Lexi. Come on home. I have something to tell you."

"What?"

"I want to tell you with the rest of the family."

Lexi stood up and walked with her father back to the house. Once they were inside Cas walked into the living room where he saw Alex and the triplets sitting on the couch. Lexi sat on the floor propping on her brothers leg. Cas walked upstairs and into the bedroom again. Dean wasn't in the room. "Dean?"

He looked in the master bathroom and he wasn't there. Cas heard something rustling in the closet. He opened to find Dean in the corner of the closet balled up. "Cas?"

"What are you doing in here?"

Dean just looked at Cas. He still had that fear in his eyes. "It was too bright in the bedroom."

"Come on, the kids are home."

Dean held out his hand. Cas helped him to his feet. Dean laced his finger with Cas's. Cas walked Dean downstairs and didn't even say a word when he walked into the living room. Dean tightened his grip on Cas's hand when his eyes met with Lexi.

"Dad!" Alex and Lexi gasped in unison. They both shot up.

Dean was quiet and looked at Cas. Dean eyes went from terrified to happy in half a second. "Hey, Alex, Lexi. You've grown so big."

"It's been 5 years, Dad." Alex said.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I was gone."

"It's ok, we know you saved Riley. Don't apologize. We're just glad you're back." Lexi said as she hugged her father. Dean's heart just melted. He smiled and ran his fingers through her hair.

"I'm glad to be back, sweetie."


	3. Chapter 3

Something is different with Dean. Hell changed him much more this time. Gabe watched him though the whole 5 years. He said Dean never left the rack. His mind felt the same as it did before he went to Hell. It was like he was hiding something.

It had been 6 months since Dean got out of the pit. He doesn't scream as much in his sleep. Most mornings Cas finds Dean in sleeping the closet. This morning was one of those mornings. Cas woke up to an empty bed and an open closet door. "Dean?"

Dean crawled out of the closet and stood and an popped his back. "Good Morning."

"Ok, Dean, I've had enough. What are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything, Cas. Why do you think that?"

"I have been with you for 25 years, Dean. I know your tells. You are hiding something from me. Did something happen while you were in Hell?"

Dean looked at the ground. "Yeah." He mumbled.

"What did you say?"

"Yeah, something did happen while I was in Hell."

"Well, what happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about it, Baby."

"Dean, it's eating at you. You can tell me. I'm your husband."

Dean sighed and walked over to the bed and sat cross legged in front of Cas who was also sitting cross legged. "Did Gabe tell you I was on the rack the whole time?"

"Yeah, he told me that you were extremely strong willed. The normal person wouldn't have lasted that long."

"He was right about that. Most people would have lasted as long as I did."

"How long was that then?"

"Two hundred and seven years, eight months, two weeks, three days, fourteen hours, and thirty-seven minutes."

"Dean you held out for 207 years. That's longer than anybody human would have lasted. Crowley was also the King of Hell at one time."

"At one time? Try the word still. He is _still_ the King of Hell. He's just not topside since I exorcised him. He definitely had some pinned up rage. He was worse than Alastair. First 100 years was just getting carved and stabbed, burned and skin over and over again. Up until I got off the rack Crowley got to me mentally. It only got worse and worse. I got to 200 years. Crowley walks in with a demon where Sam's skin. The things Sam or Sam's fake meat suit did to me were…" Dean paused. Tears were welding up in Dean's eyes. Dean Fucking Winchester doesn't cry.

"It's ok, baby."

Dean looked straight into Cas's eyes. "205 years, Crowley brought in a different meat suit. A female. Riley. Riley sliced and diced, burned, carved, stabbed burned, and screw me mentally. She did that for _one_ year. Crowley was running out of ways to break me. Then he found it. The one sure fire way to crack me open and set the floor gates open."

"What? What was it? What did Crowley find that could break Dean Winchester?"

Dean took Cas's hand into his and scooted closed to his beloved husband. "You."

"Me?"

"Yeah, for the rest of those 2 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 3 days, 14 hours, and 37 minutes I had go through some asshat in a meatsuit that looked, talked, and felt like you. I couldn't take it anymore. He broke me and I got off that rack, but Crowley didn't give the same offer Alastair did."

"What did offer?"

"Dad?" Dean turned around to find Shiloh standing in the doorway.

"Morning, sweetheart."

"Can I stay home today?"

"Why, honey?"

"I think I'm sick."

"C'mere, baby, what makes you say that?"

"I feel like crap. I have a massive headache." Shiloh sat on the bed beside Dean. Dean touched the palm of his hand to her forehead.

"Yeah, honey, you're burning up. "

Shiloh laid her head on Dean's shoulder. "Shi, how about you go back to bed." Cas said.

She nodded. "I'll bring you some medicine a little later, alright?" Dean said.

Shiloh slowly got off the bed and walked down the hall. Cas looked at Dean as he also got off the bed. "Dean, are we going to finish talking about—"

"Later, Cas." Dean walked into the bathroom.

"We are going to talk about it though."

"I know, just not right now. The moment is over and our day has started. I have to get over to Bobby's"

"Fine, have fun." Cas as Dean sat on the bed put his boots on.

"If fixing cars with an old drunk you call fun."

"For you maybe, not me." Dean smiled and stood up and walked downstairs. He saw Phoebe and Aaron sitting on the couch watching TV.

"Alright, younglings, time for you to get a move on."

"We were waiting for Shiloh." Aaron said.

"Well, she's not going to school today. Now, you're going to miss your bus."

They got up and grabbed their bags as Dean turned the TV off. "Bye, Dad." They said in unison as they ran out the door. Dean walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer before heading over to Bobby's. He was walking into the living room where he saw Alex sneaking out of Lexi's room.

"Whoa, Alex, why were you in Lexi's room?"

Alex spun around on his heels. "Oh, Hey, Dad. I thought you left already."

"I don't leave for another hour. Why were you in Lexi's room? You should have already left for school."

"School was cancelled because someone floored the second floor which caused the first floor to floor."

"Well, that still doesn't explain to me why you were down in your sister's room."

"I was helping her with homework."

Dean knew he was lying but be needed to get over to Bobby's. He let Alex have this one. "Alright, I'm heading over to Grandpa Bobby's so I can get an early start."

"See you later."

Dean nodded and walked over to Bobby's. Something was on with Alex and Lexi.


	4. Chapter 4 - Alex and Lexi POV

**ALEX & LEXI POV – ****_FIVE YEARS AGO…_**

Alex woke up pretty early hearing movement from downstairs. He walked half way down to listen to who it was. He looked through the railing. Dean was sitting on the couch leaning forward. Alex knew Dean was in labor. He walked back upstairs and went back to bed. He woke up again as his alarm went off. He got dressed and walked out of his bedroom to see Dean staggering to his and Cas's bedroom.

"Dad? Are you ok?"

" 'M fine, Alex. Get ready for school." Dean walked into the bedroom with a pained look on his face. Alex walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Lexi walked up from her room dressed and sat at the table looking at Alex.

"Dad is in labor." Lexi broke the ice.

"Yeah, I know. Has been for a while now."

"Papa is going to tell us to go to school and that everything is fine."

"Like always."

Lexi smiled. "Everything is fine though." She grabbed Alex's hand.

"This is wrong, Lex."

"I don't want to be right."

"What is Dad or Papa finds out?"

"Then they find out."

"Dad could kill us for being like an abomination or something. Papa could smite us."

"Alex, Dad is a former hunter. He trained us to hunt if we are in trouble. We can hide our tracks as could as he could or still can."

"We don't know that, Lex."

"I know that. Come on, we need to head on to school. Just think about it, please?"

Alex nodded as he grabbed his stuff and they walked to the bus. The day was uneventful and normal. They got off the bus and walked home. "Papa, Dad, we're home." Alex blurted out.

"Not so loud, Alex. Your Dad is asleep."

"Why?" Lexi chimed in.

"He had the baby."

"Really? When?" Alex acted surprised.

"This morning. You guys can head over to Uncle Sam and Gabe's to see her."

They smiled and ran over. Lexi knocked on the door. Gabe walked up to the door. "Hey there, I bet you guys didn't come over to see my beautiful face. You came here to see the new baby."

Gabe let them in and they walked into the living room where Sam was sitting on the couch rocking her in his arms. Lexi sat beside Sam and Alex stood in front of Sam. "What's her name?" Lexi asked.

"Deanna Mae Winchester."

"You named her after Dad."

"It fit."

Lexi smiled. She touched the baby's face. "She is beautiful."

"She is. She's so tiny. Dad was so big. How is she so small?"

"I don't know how to answer that." Sam said as the phone rang. "You wanna hold her?"

"You bet." Lexi's eye grew big and a huge smile spread across her face. Sam sat little Deanna in Lexi's arms as Gabe walked into the living room with a distraught look on his face.

"Cas, Cas, calm down. Take a deep breath and tell me what happened?"

Sam's head shot up.

"What do you mean, Riley's hurt?"

"I'll be over in such a second. Is Dean on his way to the hospital?"

"Don't worry, Cas. She will be fine. She is a Winchester."

"Hey, hey, hey, calm down. I'll be over right now. Stay calm for the triplets." Gabe hung up.

"What's going on, Uncle Gabe?"

"Riley was in a wreck. From what Cas told me, Dean said Riley was hurt pretty bad. Cas is freaking out."

"Wait, Riley was in a wreck?"

"Yes, that's all I know. Stay her with Uncle Sam."

"No, we have to see if she's ok."

"Alexis, don't argue about this. You and Alex stay here. I will take the triplets to Bobby's then calm down Cas."

"But she's my sister."

"The best thing you can do for you for her right now is stay here until we know she is ok."

Lexi took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She handed Deanna back to Sam and stood up. She was almost to the door when Alex grabbed her and dragged her upstairs and into the guest room. Alex sat her down on the bed.

"Lexi, just sit and calm yourself down." Alex sat down beside his sister.

"Our sister was in a wreck, our father is a wreck, and you're telling me to cal—" Lexi got out before Alex stole a kiss. Lexi sat there confused. She touched her hands to her lips. Alex smiled. "What was that for?"

"To get you to shut up. She is going to be fine. She's a Winchester. Apparently to Dad, Papa, Uncle Sam and Gabe, they think that means we're strong willed or something."

She just nodded. "We have homework to do. That might get our minds off this situation."

It was around 10:00 before Gabe came home. He looked exhausted especially since he was an angel. Sam was getting Jimmy to go to bed. Since Jimmy was a grade younger than he went to bed earlier than Alex and Alexis.

"Uncle Gabe, any news on Riley?"

Gabe sat on the couch. "The hospital called. Him and Dean could see Riley. That's all I know right now. Cas said he would call on any other news came."

Sam came down. He was holding a baby monitor. "So, any news on Ri?" Sam asked.

"She's stable enough so Dean and Cas can see her."

"Well, that's good, at least a little bit."

Gabe nodded. "so I guess we are staying her for the night."

"Yeah, Alex you can sleep on the couch. Gabe and I are going to head onto bed."

Alex nodded and Lexi stayed with him. As Gabe and Sam walked up the stairs Lexi looked at Alex. "You can share the guest bed with me if you like?"

Alex just looked at Lexi. "Lexi, I don't want this to go too fast."

"I'm not saying we do anything. I was just asking if you wanted to share a bed with me."

"Sure, I'd like that." Alex smiled and Lexi rose to her feet and lending a hand for Alex. Alex stood and up and kissed his sister. This was so wrong, but Alex kinda liked it.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex woke with sudden movement running down the hallway and down the stairs. He got up and walked downstairs. The door slammed. Alex walked back up the stairs to hear the Deanna crying. He walked into the nursery and picked up the infant. "Hey there, Deanna. Did someone wake you up?"

Her cries kept going. He walked downstairs and with her still in his arms. He fixed a bottle of formula and walked back upstairs and sat in the rocking chair and fed her. She stopped crying once the bottle hit her lips. "I guess you were hungry. Do you need to be changed while I'm here?"

Alex looked up and Gabe stood in the doorway. "What are you doing in here?"

"She was crying. I think Uncle Sam woke her up so I decided that holding her wasn't doing anything so I thought she was hungry."

"You didn't have to do this. You could have got me."

"I helped with the triplets and with Candice. I didn't want to trouble you."

"How could you have heard her crying? You were all the way downstairs."

"I could sleep so I went into the guest bedroom with Lexi and laid down with her."

"And she didn't mind that?"

"She didn't care. I was surprised. Where did Uncle Sam go? It's like 2:30."

"Riley woke up at midnight. Sam went to your house to get Riley some clothes then head to the hospital."

Alex looked down and saw Deanna was done feeding. He took the bottle away and began to rock her to sleep. "So how is she?"

"She is fine. Perfectly healthy. It was like she was never in a wreck."

"So she should be released soon." Alex whispered as he laid Deanna down in the crib and began to walk out of the nursery. Gabe backed up and Alex cracked the door. "I'm going to go back to bed."

"Alright, sleep well. We told you she was going to be fine."

"You should be telling Lexi that, not me."

"See you in the morning." Gabe said ruffling Alex hair then heading to his room. Alex walked into the guest room.

Lexi was propped up on her elbow looking at her brother. "Where'd you go?"

"Riley woke up. She is perfectly healthy. Uncle Sam went to go get her some clothes. Deanna was crying so I fed her and rocked her to sleep."

"Are you going to stay here?"

"Yeah." Alex said sliding into the bed and wrapping an arm over his sisters waist. "Good Night, Lex."

They didn't sleep much that night. Wasn't but 2 hours later the phone rang. Alex and Lexi were woken by the ring. They got up and walked to the closed door of Gabe and Sam's bedroom. They could hear Gabe speaking.

"Sam, I don't understand you. What do you mean he's dead? Who's dead?"

Lexi looked at Alex with fear in her eyes.

"What happened? Where did you find him?"

Lexi was about to cry. She knew that they were talking about either Cas or Dean. She brought a hand to mouth as tear built up in her eyes.

"Wait, you found Dean on the Impala…torn to shreds."

Alex had tears building up but had to stay strong for Lexi. Lexi's knees buckled but Alex held her tight.

"Sammy, Sam, baby, take a deep breath. What makes you think Dean made another deal?"

That was the last thing Alex heard because Lexi ran back to the guest bedroom. She did make it to the bed before collapsing on the ground in tears.

"Lexi?"

"Dad's dead. Alex, Dad's dead." Lexi cried as she curled up in her brothers arms. She didn't care if she was loud at this point. Alex heard the door to Gabe's room open and walk down the hall. He looked into the guest room and saw Lexi and Alex on the ground. He rushed over to them.

"Lexi?"

"Is it true, Uncle Gabe? Dad is dead."

Gabe frowned and nodded.

"Oh God." Lexi buried her face in her twins shirt and cried. Alex wrapped an arm around Lexi tight and placed a hand on her head. He laid his head on top of hers and tears escaped his eyes.

"Everything's going to be ok, Lex." Alex managed to spit out. Right now he didn't know if he was lying or not. That this moment he would do anything to make sure he wasn't. He hated seeing his sister like this. He definitely didn't want his father dead.

That was the day when things changed.

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter...back to the present time next chapter and definitely a longer chapter**


	6. Chapter 6

**_FIVE YEARS LATER_**

"He gone?" Lex ask walking up the stairs.

"Yeah, he just left. Pap's still upstairs."

"What are we going to do, Alex? There is no way we can tell Dad and Papa about this."

"You don't think I know that? The only thing I can think to do is hide it as long as possible."

"We have already been hiding it for almost 4 months."

"What do you want to do about it, then?"

"We should leave before they have a chance to figure it out. Schools out in two weeks. We can leave then."

"And what if Dad tracks us down?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"You're just like Dad, Lex."

"You should work at the garage while school's out."

"And have to face Dad all week. No, thank you."

"Don't be such a baby. You know how Dad is when he works. He get so focused he will forget you are even there. We need the money."

"You need money for what?" Cas asked as he walked over to them.

"Nothing important."

"You're lying."

"I'm going to go over to Grandpa Bobby's and ask if I can work at the garage with Dad for the week."

Cas looked over at Lexi. "I have some more homework to do."

Alex walked out of the house and over to Bobby's and Lexi went down stairs. Alex saw Dean sitting on the porch with Riley and Bobby. Once he got over to the porch everyone was staring at him.

"Hey little brother. Why are you at school?" Riley asked.

"It's flooded."

"What can I do for you, Alex?" Bobby asked.

"I was wondering if I could work here for the week?"

"Sure, I was about to kick your Dad's ass into high gear to get him to go to work already."

"I'm going. I haven't seen my daughter in a few days. I had to catch up. I have to know what my granddaughter is up too."

"Well, get to work."

"Alright, don't get your panties in a twist. I'm going, old man." Dean said taking one last swig of his beer and getting up.

"Alex, you're going to help your Daddy on the car around back."

Alex nodded and follow his dad around back. They worked for a few hours in silence then Dean broke the ice.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, Dad?"

"What's going on with you and Lexi?"

Alex's eyes grew wide. "What are you talking about?"

"You two have been around each other a lot lately. You have been helping her with homework down in her room. You and her have been acting strange around everybody. It's starting to worry me."

"Nothing is going on with us, Dad. We are just helping each other out. A brother and sister can't hang out with each other?"

Dean looked at Alex for a moment. It was like Dean was staring into Alex's soul. Dean looked down. _'Dammit.'_ Dean mumbled.

"What? I didn't hear you?"

Dean spaced out for a moment. He was frozen in place just staring out in the distance with terror in his eyes. Alex walked over to his father and touched his shoulder only to get a fist to the face. Alex was caught by surprise and fell backwards. He sat on the ground rubbing his cheekbone. He pulled his fingers back to look at them. He was bleeding. Dean immediately was brought back to reality. "Oh God, Alex! I'm sorry, you scared me."

Dean ran over and crouched down to Alex. Alex just looked at Dean. "Hell flashback?"

Dean looked down at the ground not making eye contact with his son. "How did you know about those?"

"Uncle Sam told me where you were the last five years. I kinda of put the pieces together."

"Either way, Alex. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize until—"

"It's ok, Dad. You were in Hell. When you have those kind of flashbacks and all I got and a punch to the face, I think I'm kind of lucky."

Dean just nodded and went back to work. "I think you should go home, Alex."

"Why? I need the money…and I have nothing better to do."

"Just go home. I need to be along right now."

"Alright, I'm working again tomorrow."

"That's fine." Dean said not looking at Alex.

Alex walked around the house but stopped and hid so he could still see Dean. Dean was working but then he dropped the tool he was holding to the ground and gripped a crowbar in his hand. All of a sudden he swung the crowbar, hitting a window and it shattered into millions of pieces. He then slammed the bar into the trunk of another car another a hole appeared then he flung the crowbar and slammed his hand onto the car and fell to the ground.

Alex watch his father lay on the ground motionless for minutes until Dean moved his hand over his face.

He flinched when he felt a hand fall onto his shoulder. Alex looked over at the figure beside him. It was Bobby. "What are you doing, boy?"

"Dad told me to go home. He wanted to be left alone for a while. I walked over here to see watch if he was ok. He smashed a window then smashed a hole into the trunk, punched the car then fell to the ground."

"I'll talk with him. Go home, boy." Alex nodded and walked home. Bobby walked over to Dean who was still lying on the ground with his hands over his face. "Dean?"

Dean shot up and stared at Bobby with pure terror in his eyes.

"Whoa whoa, Dean. It's me, Bobby. Calm down."

"I'm sorry, Bobby. Today's just not a good day."

"Just like yesterday wasn't a good day, the day before that and the day before that. You have been having a lot of not so good days lately."

"I punched Alex a few minutes ago."

"So that's where he got the shiner?"

"Yeah, It's getting worse, Bobby. I can't even sleep in my bed with Cas."

"Why is that?"

"I don't feel safe. It's getting bad. I lay in the bed for hours and can't sleep. I walk around the bedroom for an hour before I physically exhaust myself and either fall sleep in the closet or bathtub."

"How about you and Sam go out to the bar tonight and have some brother bonding and get shitfaced?"

"I have two teenagers at home along with three 10 year olds. How would that pan out?"

"You need to relax, Dean. You are driving yourself mad. Getting drunk off your ass might help."

"You think?"

"I don't think, I know."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Dean and Cas sex! YaY! Sorry if it sucks..."Writing is Hard." ~Chuck Shurley :)**

That night and Sam and Dean drove over to the bar near their houses. They were pretty quiet the whole drive. They got out of the car and walked into the bar and grabbed two seats at the bar.

"So, why the sudden invitation to go drinking with you?" Sam broke the ice.

"It was Bobby's idea." Dean said then took a shot.

"Sounds like Bobby. You sound like you have something on your mind so spill."

"Nothing, it's nothing."

"Come on, Dean. Don't shut me out just like last time you came back from Hell."

Dean took a deep breath then another shot of vodka. "Demons lie right?"

"Yeah?" Sam looked confused.

"But demons will also tell the truth if it hurts worse and gets inside your head, right?"

"Dean, you're not making sense. Yes, if the truth hurts worse demon will tell the truth."

Dean ordered scotch on the rocks then took another two shots of vodka. "I don't know, Sammy, I'm not handling being topside too well."

"That's fine, Dean. You were in the pit for 5 years. That's is a fuckload longer than you were last time."

"Alex told me you told him where I was those 5 years. You told him I was in Hell?"

"I had too. He begged me. He wanted straight answers. He was 17 at the time and I thought he was old enough to know. Riley knew already. So I told Lexi and Alex."

"I punched Alex right under the eye today."

"Why the hell did you do that for?"

"I don't know what fucking happened. I was talking with Alex then…I remembered." Dean broke eye contact with Sam and took a shot. "Next thing I know he's on the ground and his face was bleeding. The worst part is that he didn't get mad or anything. I fucking punched him for no damn reason and all Alex said was 'Hell flashback?'. "

"He understands that Hell was not a cake walk."

"Well, I just want to get drunk off my ass and forget that ever happened."

"I'll drink to that." Sam raised his shot glass up in the air. Dean mirror that motion. The both too the shot.

"It's hard to catch up with everything that has happened in the past 5 years. Aaron, Shiloh and Phoebe and gotten so big, Alex and Alexis will be graduating in just a few weeks, and Riley is married, in college and as a 5 year old daughter, my granddaughter."

Sam nodded and they were quiet for a few shots. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You asked me when we first got here if demon told the truth. Why?"

Dean didn't say anything for a moment. It was like he was looking for the words to say. He took another shot then a swig of his scotch. "Crowley told me something I swore was a lie, but I found out today it was the truth and I have been thinking about it all day today."

"What was it?"

"Something about Alex and Lexi."

"Care to explain?"

Dean shook his head.

"Alright, I get it, on your own time." They both took another shot. They were starting to get a buzz.

After a couple hours Dean was shitface drunk and Sam was drunk but not enough he could drink.

"Alright, Dean, you have had enough to drink. You are going to hate the world in the morning."

"Come on, Sammy. One more drink." Dean begged grabbing Sam arm.

"No, your husband is going to kill me."

"It's just one more drink. 'S not like the end of the world." Dean said standing up but losing his balance and falling onto Sam's arms.

"Nope, we're going to the Impala."

"But I never got my drink." Sam held Dean as they staggered to the door. " 'S not that I don't care, 'S it just so wrong."

Sam was really confused now. "What are you talking about?"

"Alex and Lexi. 'S really creepy and wrong. Their grownups now, and if they love each other I can't stop them even through its 9 kinds a crazy."

"What?"

"Then there's the baby. The baby might be mutated or have down syndrome. I would love it no matter what. I'd help raise it too. Then there's the whole Uncle/ Daddy and Auntie/ Mommy thing."

"Wait, Lexi is pregnant with Alex's kid?"

"Yeah, that's what I have been telling you, Sammy. They haven't told me yet and will probably never tell me. Crowley told me. I thought he was lying but now I know the truth."

"Let's get you home."

Sam dropped Dean off at his house and helped him inside where Cas was waiting. Sam walked home.

"Hey baby."

"Dean, are you plastered drunk?"

"Yeah, It was Bobby's idea."

"You listened to him why?"

"I needed to clear my head."

"You are going to hate me tomorrow."

"Why would I ever hate you, angelface?"

Cas smiled and Dean stumbled over to Cas and wrapped his arms around Cas's waist. "Come on, honey. Let's get you upstairs."

"No, Cas, I want you to fuck me on the couch."

"Dean, we have sleeping kids upstairs and Lexi down in her room."

"Never stopped us before, you know where the triplets were conceived."

"That was pure lucky that we didn't get caught."

"Come on, baby. I wanna ride your cock so hard I can't walk tomorrow."

"No, not tonight. I don't want to take advantage of you."

"You're not, because I want it." Dean begged a he stumbled to the couch. Cas rolled his eye and smiled.

"If any of the kids catch us doing this, don't except me to feel sorry for you or help you through your hangover."

"Alright, but they aren't going to catch us." Dean said while throwing off his shirt and unbuckling his pants.

"You're an idiot."

"I know, but I'm your idiot." Dean smiled as Cas took off his shirt and slid off his sweatpants and boxers. Dean drunkenly got out of his jeans and boxers.

Cas got on top of Dean and crashed his lips into Dean's. He grabbed Dean's dick and tugged and thumbed over his slit. It was already leaking precum.

As Cas jerked Dean off Dean sucked Cas's fingers. "Fuck, Cas you're killing me."

Cas smiled and took the fingers Dean was getting nice a wet and stuck one in Dean's nice and tight hole then squeezed a second one in. He pushed in and pulled out of Dean's entrance. Moans escaped Dean's lips. He grabbed his dick and jerked at the same rhythm of Cas's finger. "You like that, baby?"

"More, Cas, I need more. I'm ready, baby."

Cas spit into his hand and coated his dick in it and got it nice and lubed up. He guided his hard muscle up to Dean's entrance. Then pushed inward. "I love you, Dean."

"I love you, too, Cas." Dean moaned.

"Dean, I'm not going to last much longer." Cas said as he got into a nice fast rhythm.

"Neither am I." Dean tensed up almost at his climax.

"Come for me, honey. Come for me."

"I want you to come inside me, baby. I want you to fill me up."

"I want to come inside you."

"Cas…" Dean moaned before Cas slammed his lips in Dean's and come hit Cas's chest and puddled on Dean's stomach.

"I'm gonna come, Dean."

"Do it, Cas. Fill me up." Dean said before he felt the come exploded inside him. Once Cas was over his own climax and still running on the orgasm high, pulled out and leaned down and licked the come off Dean's stomach. Dean sat up and grabbed Cas's face and kissed and letting his tongue snake into Cas's mouth tasting his own come in his mouth.

Once one of them pulled away and Dean just stared into Cas's stunning crystal blue eyes as Cas stared into Dean's breathtaking emerald green eyes. "I love you so much, Dean Michael Winchester."

"I love you too, Castiel Novak Winchester."


	8. Chapter 8

After a few moment of laying in silence Cas realized that they were bare ass naked on the couch in the middle of their living room and 4 in the morning when they have a 18 year old girl downstairs an 18 year old boy upstairs along with three 10 years old.

"Dean?"

"Hmm." Dean mumbled almost asleep.

"Get dressed. We have to get upstairs."

"No, I like it here."

"At least put your boxers and jean's on, please." Cas said getting up.

Dean groaned at the sudden movement of Cas. Dean still a little drunk got up and slip his boxers on and grabbed his clothes before heading upstairs and passing out. Cas slowly puled on his boxers and sweatpants before he saw Alex sneak out of Lexi's bedroom.

"Alex? What were you doing in Lexi's room?"

Alex jumped and spun around on his heel to face his father. "We were just hanging out and talking and we dozed off."

"Get up to your own room. Are you going to go over to Grandpa Bobby's to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Dad's not going to be there."

"Why? Is he sick or something?"

"Oh he will be when he wakes up."

"Is Dad drunk?"

"Very."

"Should I get the bucket?"

"That might be a good idea, but I got it. You go on to bed. Got to be at Bobby's by 9 and it's 4:15."

Alex nodded and walked upstairs. Cas walked into the supply closet and grabbed Dean's trusty old hangover bucket. It hadn't made an appearance since the triplets were babies going through their teething stage. He walked upstairs and set the bucket beside the bed on Dean's side before laying down on his side.

Cas went into a meditative state once again. He woke up 6 eyes looking at him. "Papa, you have to get up."

Cas sat up sleepily and looked over to Dean who was passed out on his stomach above the covers showing off his attractive, firm ass in blue plaid boxers. "Is Dad going to make it to awards day?" Aaron asked.

"I don't know, bud. Maybe, he might not be sick."

"But he promised he would." Phoebe said.

"I'm sorry, darling."

"Daddy always breaks his promises." Shiloh said.

"Shiloh, what makes you say that?"

"He always breaks his promises."

"Just go get ready for school. I'll be down in a second."

The three slugged out of the room and down stairs. Cas turned to his lover and crawled over to lay beside him.

"Dean, time to wake up. Big day today."

Dean moaned. "Oh God."

"You gonna puke?"

"No, my head, ugh." Dean rolled over on his back putting his hand over his eyes.

"Hope you can be out in public. It's the triplets 5th grade awards day."

"Damn it. Why did I listen to Bobby?"

"I ask that question all the time."

Dean slowly sat up. "What happened last night?"

Cas just looked at Dean as he stood up and winced in pain. "You don't remember?"

"Did we have sex?"

"On the couch."

"Sweet, I wish I could remember that. I can feel it though."

"Can you go to the awards day?"

Dean was face grew pale. He looked at Cas and raised his index finger to Cas. "Now, I have to puke."

Dean ran to the bathroom just barely making it to the toilet before retching in the bowl. "I guess that's a no."

"Are they going to be pissed at me?"

"They hate that you break your promises." Cas said walking to the bathroom to find Dean resting his head on the porcelain bowl.

"I hate myself, Cas. I have screwed up our kids' lives up so bad."

"No you haven't. "

Dean closed his eyes. "I can't go, I'm sorry."

"It's ok, baby. They will understand. Can you at least come down stairs? Drink some coffee or something."

Dean nodded and Cas helped him up. Cas walked in front of Dean. Dean was dragging his feet. He held onto Cas's shoulder as they walked down the stairs. Alex was sitting on the couch with Lexi who was curled up in a ball in a blanket watching TV.

"Whoa, Dad, you do not look good."

"Thanks." Dean mumbled walking into the kitchen where the triplets were eating breakfast. Dean sat at his normal seat and laid his head on his forearms.

"Daddy, are you going to awards day?" Phoebe asked.

Dean was still in his boxers and only his boxers. He looked up at Phoebe. "I'm sorry, baby duck."

The three of them just looked down at their breakfast. "It's ok, Dad. We know you're sick."

"Aar, Phebe, Shi, I really wish I could be—" Dean trailed off looking pale again. He quickly stood up and looked at his options. He could feel bile crawling up his throat. He ran over to the kitchen sink and vomited whatever was left in his stomach in the sink. He turned the water on and rinsed out the sink then swished water around in his mouth.

The emotions on the triplets faces changed from despair, anger, sadness to sorry, pity, and sad. Shiloh got up and ran over to Dean. "I know, Daddy. Hope you get better."

Dean smiled and patted her head as he wrapped her arms around Dean 's waist. "Thanks, little sheep."

"Come one, everybody, we are to get to school." Cas said herding the trips along.

"Have fun." Dean rasped.

"Get some rest. I'll be back soon." Cas said then kissing Dean.

Once Cas shut the door behind him Dean's knees buckled and his world went black and he hit the ground with a thud as his head hit the counter.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Sorry for the very short chapter, longer chapter's ahead**

Dean was known to pass out when hung over. The loud thud startled Lexi and Alex shot up and ran into the kitchen to find his Dad on the ground and his head bleeding. "Lexi, call Grandpa Bobby."

Lexi quickly got up and grabbed his cell phone and dialed Bobby's number.

"Lexi?"

"Hey, Grandpa Bobby."

"Why are you calling?"

"Dad passed out and hit his head on the counter. He's bleeding pretty bad."

"I'll be over in a minute. Was he pretty wasted last night?"

"I think so. It's not that we're worried about him being drunk, it's that he hit his head and it's bleeding."

"Just hang tight."

Lexi walked over to Alex and Dean. Dean was showing signs of waking up. "Dad?"

Dean eyes fluttered open. Bobby knocked on the door around that same time. "Alex? Lexi?"

Dean brought a hand to his head. "You passed out and hit your head."

"Ya Idjit." Bobby said as he walked over to Alex and Dean. Alex helped Dean up and walked over to the couch and laid Dean down. Dean need stitches. He cracked his head little bit but not too bad. Bobby gave Dean some heavy duty pain killers before heading out. That's when the pills started taking affect. It made Dean loopy then wiped him out.

"Come on, Dad. Let's get you in bed upstairs before you pass out again." Alex said.

Alex wrapped one arm around Dean and Lexi did the other. "You guys are so screwed up." They both looked at Dean and he had a smiled on his face as he drug his feet and looking at the ground. "I mend I thought people only thought Sam and I were gay together in that incest-y way but they were wrong, but you guys—" Dean trailed off then laughed. "You guys are real thing. Then there's the baby."

Lexi had terror in her eyes. Alex just stared at Lexi as the climbed the stairs.

"I'll be surprised if that baby isn't mutated or has down syndrome or some kind of defect. I would still love it anyway, just like I still love you too. It's there is something really messed up with you guys."

They flopped Dean on the bed. He sat up and looked at the twins. "How did you know?" Lexi asked.

"A demon told me in Hell. Demons only tell the truth when the truth hurts worse and believe me I thought he was lying when he told me that." Dean passed out after that.

"Damn." Alex mumbled.

"We have to leave no."

"You're crazy."

"No, we have to leave. Dad knows, who knows who he told when he was drunk. He could have told Papa. We have to get out of here before Papa gets home. Pack your shit and we are leaving."

Alex nodded and walked into his rom and Lexi walked downstairs. The packed most of their clothes some food and drinks and stole cash from Dean. Cas and the triplets would get home at 2:30. It was 1:15 when Alex and Lexi left. They left a note on the counter in the kitchen and they took off.

"Did you guys have fun, today? Even though Daddy couldn't go?"

"Yeah, it would have been even more fun with him." Shiloh said as Cas pulled into the driveway.

"Alright, everybody out. We're here." Three heads popped out of the car and ran to the room and waited for Cas. Once the door opened they ran up to their rooms. Cas walked into the living and grabbed the bed he had been reading when he noticed it was a little too quiet. He walked upstairs to find Dean passed out on the bed above to covers but something stood out. Cas walked closer to his husband and saw the three stitches right above his eyebrow.

He grabbed his phone and dialed Bobby's number.

"Hello?"

"What the Hell happened to Dean?"

"He passed out shortly after you left. Don't worry Alex and Lexi were there. He cracked his head a bit but nothing too bad, just three stitches. I gave him so heavy duty pain killers so he should be out for a while."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I didn't want to get you panties in a twist, ya Idjit."

"Thanks for patching him up. He was plastered."

"No problem. I gotta go."

"Talk to you later."

"Idjit." Bobby hung up.

He looked at Dean and looked so peaceful sleeping, so he just let him be. He walked back down stairs and into the kitchen where he found the note from Alex and Lexi.

_'Dear Dad and Papa, _

_I'm sorry, but we had to leave. We didn't want you to be mad at us. We love each other. We don't care what you think. We couldn't stay there anymore. So we left. Lexi is pregnant as well. We don't want you to find us. We can take care of ourselves. We still love you. _

_~ Love Alex and Alexis'_


	10. Chapter 10

Dean woke up that next morning with a massive headache. At least he wasn't hung over anymore. He slowly got up and walked downstairs. He was used to waking up and Cas wasn't in bed. Cas is an early bed. Today felt day. When Dean got downstairs Cas wasn't in the living room .He knew the kids were at school. He walked into the kitchen and Cas wasn't there either.

"Cas?" Dean yelled throughout the house. The house was silent. He walked down into Lexi's room and it was empty. He picked up his phone and called Cas. It rang and rang and rang and went to voicemail. He called Sam and got the same result. He went back upstairs and got dressed and walked over to Bobby's. He wasn't outside so he knocked on the door.

"Bobby! Bobby, open up!"

Not even a hint of movement in the house. "Where the fuck is everybody?"

He walked past his house and to Sam's house and knocked on the door. "Sammy! Gabe! Open up!"

Nothing. That's when he started to get worried. Once he got back to the house he sat on the couch. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

_'Dear Castiel, where the fuck is everybody and your feathery ass? It's really freaking me out.'_

He opened his eyes and nothing. He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes and waited. At one point he had gotten up and whiskey and drank. He called Cas, Sam, Gabe, and Bobby 4-5 more times until it got later in the afternoon.

The triplets had to be at school so he guessed he had to go pick them up. He walked out to the garage to the Impala to find that the Impala's gone. "Sonvabitch!"

He slammed the door. "CASTIEL!" Dean yelled.

He walked outside and over to Bobby's house and hotwired a car. He drove around town until it was dark out. He was going to find his baby and his baby with his babies if it kills him. He found squat. He drove home and walked inside. He opened the door and heard voices in the living room. He as quickly as possible and snuck into the living room where Cas, Sam, Gabe, and Bobby were talking. Cas and Gabe were on the couch, Sam sat in Dean's recliner. Bobby stood in the middle of the room. Dean just listened so he knew what he could say to set things straight.

"Cas, we searched Sioux Falls up and down. Ben picked up the triplets, Jimmy and Deanna from school. They are not in town and they don't want to be found." Gabe said.

"They couldn't have gotten far. They just couldn't have."

"Cas, they left a good hour before you got home. We look all night and all today. They are long gone."

"Sam, how would you like it if Jimmy just ran away? Answer that for me. We have to find them. Gabe can't you track them? I can't find them ever since I put the marking on their rib just like Sam and Dean."

"I can't, Cas, you know that. I only know one other person who is as good as a tracker as Sam and you choice not to tell him."

"I didn't want him to go all overly protective hunter with PTSD. It would put too much stress on him. How am I supposed to tell him that Alex and Alexis fell in love with each other and ran away, and oh yeah, she's pregnant?"

Dean decided at that moment to walk into the living room. "You could have phrased it exactly like that since I already knew."

All four of their heads shot up and whipped over to Dean. "You already knew?"

"Yeah, I already knew. All four of you decided to go off trying find MY and Cas's children without telling me where the _fuck _you were going. I was freaking out. None of you would even answer your damn phone or my _prayers_. This overly protective hunter with PTSD could have told you months ago about this whole situation. But thanks for trying to keep me in the dark for my sanity."

Cas stayed silence. Gabe stood up. "Sam, Bobby and I are going to go."

"You are all going to pay." Dean said. That's when Bobby, Sam and Gabe rushed out of the house. They were probably terrified for Cas. Dean stood in the doorway quietly not looking at Cas.

"The triplets are sleeping over at Riley's." Cas said standing up. Dean walked upstairs and into the bedroom. Cas walked to the door, where it was locked. "Dean, I'm an angel I can just fly into the room.

He teleported in the room Dean standing beside the bedroom down and on the door was an angel banishing sigil.

"Dean don't do this. I'm sorry."

"Get out."

"Dean…"

"I get drunk for one night to relax me so I can sleep in my own bed and you flip shit. You disappear for the _whole_ day, didn't answer my phone call. You didn't even answer my fucking prayers. You either get out or I use the sigil." Dean was dead serious.

"Dean…I'll leave. I'll be back in two days."

"Cas, you don't know how it feels to not be able to sleep in your own bed with your husband because you don't feel safe. You have no fucking clue. I need time."

Cas nodded. He walked closer to Dean. "Dean, I'm sorry. I'm a 100 times sorry. You're right, I have no clue how that feels. I should have talked with you. What can I do to repay to you?"

"I don't know. I truly don't know right now, Cas. I do know that I just want to sleep. I want to be able to sleep in my own bed with you, but I'm probably going to be in the bathtub or closet again tonight, but tonight will be different. You're not going to be here. One night, sleep on the couch, sleep at Sam's, Bobby's, Heaven, I don't give a rats ass."

"I understand." Cas nodded almost in tears again.

"I still love you, you know that."

"I love you too, always."

Dean walked over to Cas and took his hands. "You can say you're sorry until you're blue in the face, Cas. I love you, I will always love you, but I just need time to calm down."

"I will see if I can stay over at Bobby's. Can you not do anything to the others, they did nothing wrong? They wanted me to answer the phone, showers and even stop by at home and talk to you but I said no."

"We can talk in the morning, at the diner." Dean looked calmer.

Cas nodded. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas. That's all he could do right now. Cas hugged back. "I'll meet you in the morning."

Dean nodded and Cas walked out of the house. Dean showered, changed and got into the bed and just laid there and tossed and turned until 2 in the morning when he got up went to the bathroom and laid down the closet with a blanket where he finally fell asleep, not peaceful sleep, actually sleep filled with Hell, nightmares, Cas and more Hell, but it was sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Cas sat in Dean and his favorite diner that next morning. He was lucky enough for Bobby to let him sleep on his couch for the night. He had never seen Dean act like that before, then again Cas has never acted like that either. Dean was right to be upset. Cas hid from Dean.

Pamela came up to his table and refilled his coffee. He had been there since 8 in the morning. She sat across from Cas in the booth and looked at him. "What's wrong, Cas? Where's your boo thing?"

"He should be here in a little while."

"Did you two get in a fight?"

"Something like that." Cas smirked. Pamela smiled and got up and walked back to the counter.

Cas stared at the door, waiting for his lover to walk in and spot him. It felt like he was sitting there for an eternity, but finally he saw his husband's face. Cas was sitting in their normal booth. Den searched the place until he spotted his partner even though he knew rigt where he would be. He walked over to the table and slid into the booth.

"Hey, baby." Cas said with a half smile.

"How's you sleep?" Dean asked as Pamela walked up.

"Good morning, Dean."

"Hello, Pam."

"Cas told me you and him got into a little can of worms."

"You could say that. We are going to sort things out."

"Want your regular?"

Dean nodded as she walked off. He turned to look at Cas. "So how'd you sleep?"

"It was Bobby's couch, it wasn't own bed with you."

"If it helps any, I slept in the closet."

"It doesn't. Dean, I' m sorry. Really, I wasn't in my right mind. You can tear me a new one. I deserve it."

"You could have at least called me."

"I know, I know. I was freaking out, and you were passed out."

"You don't think I was freaking out? I was going mad because you weren't home, neither was Sam, Gabe, Bobby, Alex, Lexi, my baby…I was going insane."

"I should have called I know, I'm sorry. Can we just forgive and forget?"

"I'm having a hard time doing that, Cas. This isn't the first time you have done this to me."

"I know—

"I'm hearing a lot of that, lately. You have to understand there is no I in us. We need to talk to each other before doing something. I'm not saying that I haven't done some stupid shit because I have. I have done some very stupid shit."

"Can those things just be water under the bridge? Alex and Lexi are still gone. I just want to find them and I don't want you angry at me. You're the last person to hate me."

Dean smiled at Cas. Dean took Cas's hands into his own, just like he did last night. "I love you, I will never hate you. I'm a hunter, I track things for a living. We are going to find them."

Cas knew that that was Dean's way in forgiving him and he was ok with that. Cas stood slightly still in the booth seat lead over the table and crashed his lips into Dean's. Dean kissed back. Cas pulled back and sat down. "I love you too."

Pamela came up with Dean's breakfast and she had a big smile on her face. "Aw, you guys are adorable. So I'm guessing you patched this up."

Dean smiled and looked over at Cas. "We're getting there."

"I'm glad to see that. I hate it when you two are upset."

"We hate it too." Cas smiled.

"Could you tell me what's going on that made you fight?"

Cas looked at Dean and Dean mirrored Cas. "Alex and Lexi ran away."

"Oh my God, I just saw them the other day. Not yesterday but the day before. They came around 1:45 ate quickly and left. I didn't even think to ask where they were headed. I'm sorry."

Dean face lit up like a light bulb. "Fuck, why didn't I think of this?" Dean quickly stood and dropped a 20 on the table. "Thank you, Pam. Come on, Cas. We got to go."

"See you later."

Dean walked to the Impala and Cas got in the passenger seat and Dean quickly drove home. Once home he dashed up the porch and flung the door open and ran to the computer. He grabbed his phone a dialed a number Cas didn't recognize.

"Hello, I was wondering if you could turn my daughter's GPS on her phone on. She ran off last night for some concert. She is diabetic and if she doesn't get her insulin, I…I don't know what I would do."

"Thank you, I'm just logging in right now." Dean hung up.

"Asheville, North Carolina? Why the Hell are they there?"

"Getting as far away from us as possible. If we raised them right, which we did, they will change their names and cover their tracks pretty good. It's going to be hard."

"Well, I know two things, they need money and they have a baby on the way. They also need sleep so that should slow them down a tad."

"It will be faster if we fly there."

"No, we're doing this the old fashion way."

"How do you think they are going to get money for gas or food or a motel room even?"

"They are Winchesters." Dean said as he stood up and walked upstairs to pack for a long trip.


	12. Chapter 12

Once Cas and Dean were on the road he called Sam.

"Hello?"

"Hey there, little brother."

"Oh Dean, you sound calm…what did you do?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Sammy. I'm not mad at you, Gabe or Bobby. I didn't do anything to you. I just wanted to ask if you could do me a favor."

"Uh...sure."

"We know where Alex and Lexi are. We are going to be gone a while and—"

"You want me and Gabe to watch after the kids?"

"That would be lovely."

"Shure, I'll call Riley and tell her I'll pick them up."

"Is she going to Bobby's after class at the college?"

"Not today. So where are they?"

"Asheville, North Carolina and moving."

"why don't' you use angel teleportation?"

"Because I want them scared when I get ahold of them. I want to sit in the back seat mentally freaking out waiting for their punishment for the whole 20 hour drive back."

"That's morbid."

"They deserve it."

"True, but Dean I think you sprung a leak somewhere in your head."

"I'm perfectly insane."

"You have never been perfectly insane. You are the poster boy for mental instability."

"Shuddup!"

"I'm just saying don't scare them too much."

"No, promises."

"Call me when you catch up with them."

"Will do." Dean hung up.

Dean slipped his phone into his pocket. He knew it was going to be a long car trip. Cas and Dean sat in a comfortable silence for the first few hours of the trip. Then Cas decided to break the silence.

"What did you do in Hell for those 293 years you weren't being tortured?"

"What?"

"You never told me. You were going to but never did. We got interrupted. With the time you spent being tortured by Crowley and the total time you were there I subtracted and got 293. What were you doing down their if Crowley wasn't torturing you? You said that Crowley gave you an offer just like Alastair did but it was not the same offer. What was it then?"

"It's hard to explain, Cas." Dean said with fear in his voice.

"You can tell me anything, even if it is bad. Just tell me what happened down in the pit."

Dean thought for a moment and cleared his throat. "I became Crowley's bitch. He told me that I could stop the torture if he did whatever he wanted to me." Dean pulled over on the side of the road. "For two hundred and seven fucking years I told him to cram it with walnuts. On that end of that last day that demon wearing your sexy ass just looked at me and he looked exactly like you, your crystal blue eyes that shimmer in the sunlight, they were exactly the same to you. I lost it. I gave up. Crowley won."

Cas didn't respond. He wasn't angry. He wasn't disappointed. He was proud that his will and soul was strong enough to let him last 207 years. He didn't care was Crowley had done to Dean. He didn't care that maybe at some point Dean started to like it, because he knew that Dean loved Cas more than anything. Dean would do anything for Cas.

"Crowley chained me to the bed, spread eagle, butt naked, for the world underworld to see. Crowley is one kinky son of a bitch. Any type of fetish you kind think of he did to me. After 146 years of that he got bored. He started messing with my head. The only place he wouldn't mess with me was in the closet or bathtub. Stupid, it was so stupid. It was like he gave me a break when I was in the closet or tub. After a year of mental torture he gave me another offer. I would do anything to stop the madness. It was to torture souls and do his dirty work."

"And you said yes, I'm guessing." Cas said wrapping his arm around Dean.

Dean nodded. It was different this time, Cas. I couldn't remember what it felt like to be human. It was like I was turning into a demon. I was losing whatever hope I had left in thinking you would get me out of there. When I came to in the pine box I didn't feel like the same guy before I went to Hell. I had changed and probably for the worse. I tried to kept in bottled up and hide it. I just want to feel normal again. I want to find Alex and Lexi and live our normal life again. I want to be able to sleep in my own bed with you. I want to be able to sleep without having nightmares."

Cas held Dean tighter. "Everything will be ok, Dean. The past is the past and there is nothing we can do about it. Cas pulled Dean out of the Impala and teleported it back home.

"What the Hell, Cas?"

"You are in no condition to drive. We are doing this my way, Dean."

"Ok, ok, let's find our children."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm going to call this a mini chapter...i'm sorry it's been a while since i last updated this story. I wanted to work on the other stories i have...i kinda hit a wall in this story and this was just something to get back into the groove...sorry for the ****_extremely_**** short chapter**

Cas got him and Dean close to where Alex and Lexi were. It was a motel. "Where did they get enough money to afford this?"

"I would check our wallets." Cas said pulling out his as Dean did the same.

"Son of a BITCH!"

"Dean, calm down."

**_&^%$# ! #$%^&^%$# ! #$%^&^%$# ! #$%^&^%$# ! #$%^&^%$# _**

Alex and Lexi were sitting on the queen size bed watching crap TV. They were going to stay one more night then leave tomorrow early to find another place. Alex had got up to go to the bathroom when he heard a familiar voice outside. _'Son of a BITCH!'_

Alex looked out the window and saw his fathers walking towards the door. "Fuck."

"What?"

"Dad and Papa."

"They're here?"

There was a knock o the door. "Alex, Alexis, open the door."

Alex turned and looked at his sister. Lexi was freaking out. Next thing they know Dean and Cas were standing in the motel room.

"Dad? Papa? What are you doing here?" Lexi asked.

"What are _we_ doing here?" Dean scoffed. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"We said why we were leaving in that letter."

"I should punch you just on principle, Alexander John Winchester." Dean yelled.

Alex stepped back a few steps away from his father. "Dad, I thought you were going to kick us out anyway, so we went ahead and did it for you." Lexi exclaimed.

Dean stepped forward and lifted his hand up before Cas touched his shoulder. Dean took another step before touching Lexi's shoulder and she closed her eyes tight. "Don't you ever think that we will ever kick you out. I have let you stay in this house for months…_months_…and I knew all about this...and I still let you stay under my roof. I never want to hear that ever again."

"We just thought that's what you wanted." Alex said.

"Alex, Alexis, never presume something about your father and I. Yes, what's going on is wrong in many different ways, but we still love you. We will be with you through it all." Cas said.

"How did you find us?" Lexi asked.

Dean laughed. "You really think you can truly hide from a guy who tracks for a living and an angel?"

Alex and Lexi look down at the ground. Cas walked over to the twins. Dean grabbed their stuff. Cas touched two fingers to their foreheads when he felt Dean hold onto his shoulder. They landed right in front of the panic room. The twins were confused. "Go inside."

They did as they were told and waked in with Dean and Cas standing the doorway. Dean set their stuff down and looked back that the two kids. Dean and Cas looked at each other and steped back and Dean grabbed the panic room door.

"Where are you going?"

Alex and Lexi ran to the door before Cas pushed them back and Dean closed the door and locked it. Den turned to look at Cas. "Why do we use this room as a time out more than an actual panic room?"

"Well, Alex and Lexi should be panicking right about now."

"I hate doing this to them."

"It's the right thing to do, Dean. I hate it as much I you do, but it has to be done."

"I know."


End file.
